The perfect love story does not exist except in movies of course. Happy endings are beautiful, but for how long do we have to get to dead ends before we realise these movies aren’t telling us everything?
A myth is like a rumour, it spreads fast, is held to be true just because it adds up to a good narrative, yet it seems to have no traceable origin.
A myth is basically a rumour dressed in a tux, a confident lie that relies on generalisations for strength. It looks and sounds so sleek and even more so because our elders are in on it too.
Nevertheless, we can’t really blame ourselves. Our brains are constantly trying to figure things out. As a result, if what we face or experience something which happens to be similar to one we have heard, seen or read about, our brain quickly links up the two.
Enough of the long talk, what exactly are these myths? Practically speaking, and considering all valid laws of logic, a few of our beliefs and outlook on love are wrong. Read on, let’s have a look at some of them.
1. Being tough on women guarantees her comportment and commitment
This ice breaker initially came as a relationship question. However, after thinking about it and reading further into it I realised it is actually a myth that most conformist men-a lot of whom are African-follow wholeheartedly.
I must agree, we females are a lot to handle. I mean Justin Bieber put it all in a song.
Owing to our seemingly hereditary stubbornness, some men believe the only way to keep a female partner on track is to be ‘a man’ in the ship. By ‘being a man’, I am made to believe it means being authoritative and bossy. I am not saying it is wrong, rather I am saying it can’t work for all ladies and really isn’t the best approach.
As guys you need to understand that even though you did the toasting and all of that to win the lady over, she is there with you because ‘she agreed to’ and ‘wants to’.
She knows what she needs to do- what is healthy for the ship and what is not. If auntie starts talking back at you, screaming at you, flirts in your presence, cheats (boldened and underlined), then it is because she wants to.
Applying the ‘being tough’ principle to your new relationship is probably going to backfire because your girl might not be that kind of girl. You will probably drive her into another man’s arms because you’re so invested in keeping her under your thumb. If she cares young kings, then she will, or at least try to behave herself.
2. Soul mates
Two words, huge contemplation. I used to believe in soul mates too, I mean as a lady it’s nothing but expected. But that isn’t the case anymore. The truth is, there is no perfect match for you or anyone out there.
Your perfect match could be that girl you are airing now now, he could be living across the world in Singapore or she could be that course mate you never spoke to throughout your 4 years in the university- It could be anyone at all.
We mostly end up with people within our reach and that’s perfectly normal. Not everyone is going to work for you but no one person will work for you either. Once you understand this, then hopefully you understand that you need to put in equal efforts with anyone you find ‘okay’. Other than that, you will wait your whole life for a soul mate that does not exist.
3. If she doesn’t gush over material things, she is the one
Don’t make that mistake ever! Relationships are not math, there is no special formula and no correct answer.
You can meet a lady who isn’t materialistic but whose character stinks. You can equally meet a lady who changes her nails and hair every week but will sit down to listen to you on any day, at any time. It is as simple as that.
Nothing guarantees anything anymore. So please, if you meet a lady who always insists on paying her bills, be excited, be proud, why not? Because in this age it is the most attractive thing a lady can be. However, do not get carried away, not all that glitters is gold.
4. If they are the one, you will feel it/you will feel attracted to no one else
I beg na lie o, you will feel nothing. For the umpteenth time, there is no formula to this. I bet most of us, if not all of us, have been in that one relationship when we were certain we had met ‘the person’. They just felt right didn’t they? But errmm, how far now?
Relationships go beyond feelings and emotions, your brain needs you baby, and you need it too. If they are the one, you can never be 100 percent sure, that’s the truth.
Rather, if they are the one, you can at least look ahead and estimate them to be ideal, considering real facts and the outlook of the relationship and the person in singularity.
You could be wrong and you could be right, the whole thing is a risky gamble. So please, stop waiting for feelings, and stop waiting to feel how you did years ago.
Now the other part. There will always be someone prettier, handsomer, sexier, richer; all the ‘er’s on this planet. Know this, and know peace.
If they are the one, then it means you decide that you choose them. Not because they are the best, but because they are enough for you.
So, if you are in a relationship, and you find yourself admiring a few biceps and tits, don’t worry, you have not made any mistake. Feel free, admire God’s works, but do not forget the one you pledged heaven or earth to.
5. Opposites Attract
This thing ern, it makes a lot of sense, but just because things add up does not mean they are true. I think we might be mixing things up a bit.
Yes we hear the stories of how in relationships one person is ‘cool’ and the other person is ‘gidigidi’.i I don’t know about you, but which ever category I might be in, I do not want an opposite. Cos what would be the point?
Although yes, ideally, introverts pair very well with extroverts, it does not support or fall under the ‘opposites attract’ rule. There is a newer theory that relationship experts have thought up- The Complements Attract rule. The underlying idea is that, we are more compatible with people who complement us. Think of it as a two-piece puzzle; you fit right into each other.
Instead of finding someone who is your direct opposite, you are supposed to be looking for someone who has the qualities that you are lacking.
If you are hot tempered, you should be looking out for someone who isn’t or who is at least better at handling it than you; someone who understands that shouting with you will not get the two of you anywhere, someone who is patient.
Similarly, if you are an indoor person, you go in for someone who will always want to drag you out in the evenings, someone who knows fresh air is good for you. And if you are an optimist, then you will complement your partner by giving them the support they need during hard times.
Be on the same page, not in completely different stories.
6. A good relationship should not have any secrets in it
Let’s clear this first-There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, but there are such things as a healthy relationship and an unhealthy one. No relationship is ever secret-free, there is always something that you do not know. And there is always something you are also holding unto.
But wait, before you get disheartened, that is a good thing. Although lies should never be tolerated, you are not supposed to say everything that you bear in thought.
For a month, I listened to a preacher on the radio every noon. And in one of his sermons, he mentioned that a healthy relationship is one where both partners know when, how and what to say at every point in time.
If you got in an awkward situation where a colleague forcefully kissed you for instance, and after the incident you two talk things over and it ended right there, I don’t think you need to tell your partner. Some things people say, are better left unsaid.
7. Too many fights ruin the relationship
Wrong, too many ‘unresolved fights’ ruin the relationship. The number or frequency of fights does not matter. If anything, over time, as you talk things over, they reduce.
Another thing is that, some fights are never really resolved, both partners just learn to adapt.
Most fights I believe, go unresolved because one party or both parties are not willing to compromise. What is a ship without the little sacrifices? Exactly, no ship.
The ‘let it go’ mentality is not helping either, because no matter what, everyone has a Iimit they can take things to. Avoiding the confrontations will only lead to a bigger one.
So, people, if you find yourself fighting all the time with your partner, do not worry, embrace it, take a breath, let things boil over, then sit down and talk.
Third party opinion is necessary but the fewer the better, you are dating your partner alone and that is how it should be.
8. A relationship is 50/50
It could also be 60/40, 30/70, any percentage other than the 50/50 we are told. We are supposed to put in equal efforts yes, but someone’s all, as compared to yours could be very small. But it does not mean they do not care.
I was told a story about a relationship where the lady was just perfect: she simply loved her man. The guy on the other hand was not so ‘perfect’.
He mixed up important dates, drank, barely visited his girlfriend and even flirted on many occasions. Back in school when some of his results were missing, his girlfriend would go to his department to follow up on his marks. Yes! I just went like apuuuu, God forbid bad thing!
But this is a plot twist you didn’t see coming: They got married and are still together till date-6 years and still going.The lesson in this story is that, the guy was obviously not giving 50, but his 25 was enough to make things work.
Now with these new revelations, go into the world and do it differently next time. Love is beautiful, don’t let the cynical attitude of social media dampen your soul.
Live in the moment. Take it all in and tell the world to go fuck a cactus😂🥴
All questions and thoughts are welcome. Love you all, mmwuah!