Adulting…Soft work #2

Bloom Day

It’s been 3 years since his brother Kojo’s death and Kobby has found himself in the university. Yes. He hadn’t wanted to study further but his WASSCE results had been unexpectedly good and his Pro-Vice chancellor brother had spontaneously offered to sponsor his university education as a reward. Who was he to decline especially as he would not prefer to just stay at home and babysit his parents. His aim to make his own money was not forgotten. Back in SHS, Kobby had favourably aligned himself with guys who were making their own money at his school. They were hustlers who had side jobs in addition to schooling. Yes schooling is a full time job that is why there’s “student” under “occupation” in forms.

At the university, Kobby met some of his soft work paddies and before long, he was introduced into the best way to make soft money. Internet fraud. Yes. He had said he’d become like his brother in a different way and he had. This job required wit and cunning which Kobby had naturally acquired, in excess. 

Now, he’s in his second year at the university and is famous for owning one of the “porchest” cars in his hostel’s parking lot. He has branded himself as one of the rich kids. His fingers have never not touched the latest iPhone and he’s had too many girl–exes that he’s even tired of dating.

 His paddy and senior in the “university/side hustle” game shares the room with Kobby. It’s a huge private room and this Friday, they are at bloom bar, having bought a huge table for their friends.

There’s khebab of various animal protein, Schmirnoff, Black label, Red label, Jackdaniels, Olmeca Gold, Hennessy vsop, not forgetting Shisha regular and non-regular and the special ‘Sugar me’. Yeah and there are girls of regular and irregular sizes with regular and irregular dresses, regular and irregular shoes and regular and irregular make-up. It’s a typical “Bloom day”. Kofi taps Kobby on the thigh and looks in the direction of the table beside them. There are a bevy of cougars on that table and Kobby’s half-stoned mind can’t figure out why his friend is looking there. 

After a few more unsuccessful tries, Kofi gives up and Kobby enjoys the rest of the night making sure to return to his room stone cold.

The next afternoon.

” Bro, what were you telling me at the bar last night?” “I was showing you your next move bro.” Kobby sits up on his bed and looks to Kofi  for clarification, the diamond stud in his left ear reflecting dazzling sunlight. “Which is?”

 “Cougars”, he answers.

 “Cougars? Explain bro.”

 Kofi chuckles and also sits up on his bed, facing his roommate a few inches away. 

“You know, ‘sugar mummies’.” 

“Bro, you know I don’t do older women.” 

“Yeah but I have told you older women are the softest of the so—”  “Kofi,” Kobby cuts in,  “you know this is like the ‘plentieth’ time we’re talking about this and my answer is still no.” 

“You need to reconsider. Just hear me out for the last.” 

Kobby nods. “Okay.” 

“You know the online business has been good right?  But haven’t you noticed the demands for your money does not match how quickly you’re making it?”

“As in?” Kobby asks.

 “O you know, the girls you’re supporting like you run an orphanage alone, is enough to make you poor.” Kobby laughs at that. 

“As for me, I’ve stopped doing small girls oo. The cougars have the dough and they give it fast. Really fast. I charge based on hours spent with them and how far I’d go in our interactions. Plus there are many bonuses.” 

“Preach.” Kobby teases. 

“Oh true. Fully-funded vacations, expensive gifts, pampering your girls don’t give and extensive bedroom skills.” 

“Ye Yee” Kobby teases and laughs. “I get you bro. But for now, I’m not interested. Maybe when I meet one who tickles my fancy, I’ll indulge in her but for now, I prefer playing daddy to Efya, Sally and Naa.” “Dzadzy dzazdy. I hear you.” 

They both laugh. “If Naa finds out about your other girls, thunder oo.” “Hoh. She should forget. She doesn’t own me bro. I’ll be breaking up with her soon kraa. I’ve spotted another babe. You know I can’t handle more than 3 of my “orphans” at a time.” Kofi laughs out loud. “Dzazdy to the fatherless.” 

“That’s me.” Kobby replies. 

“Shelter for the homeless.” 

“That’s right.” 

“Food for the hungry, and World Bank Teller.” 

“World bank Onye.” Kobby replies while illustrating the insult with its hand gesture. Kofi just laughs.

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