Have you ever found yourself staring at your phone screen in utter puzzlement, wondering, “What does ‘K’ even mean?!” Because I know I have ever since I joined the world of online dating apps.
From all of the confusing text messages you get, you’re probably left wondering, “Does he like me?” And as you stare at your phone, you may find it frustrating to know what men want, especially when their texts make no sense.
Since jumping into the deep end of the dating app pool, I’ve become very fluent in Tinder speak. Every message, every emoji, every seemingly insignificant phrase means something, and it’s not usually what’s written on the screen.
So, allow me to enlighten you on the different passive-aggressive dating app responses and what they really mean.
Translation: I can’t reply to you so instead of replying with a full word, I’m merely going to type one letter, even though okay is a really short word.
2. ‘No worries.’
Translation: When it’s really no worries, I’d put an exclamation mark or even forget the punctuation altogether. That full stop is a little punch of passive-aggressive anger right to your gut.
3. So… that’s a no then?
Translation: I’m testing the waters to see if I can change your mind, and if not, I’ll probably launch into a full-blown ego-driven rage and insult you a bit to make myself feel powerful again.
4. ‘You must be really busy…’
Translation: Please pay attention to me.
5. ‘I don’t like drama’
Translation: I’m going to bring so much drama to your life you won’t know what to do with yourself, but I’ll most likely end up making you feel like it was somehow your fault.
6. (Thinking face emoji)
Translation: I am mad at you for not replying, but hey, if you do reply to this I still have the option of playing it off as a joke.
7. ‘That’s cool, my weekend is pretty full up anyway’
Translation: I feel super rejected but I am trying to hide behind the fact that I am really busy and popular so you won’t think my weekend plans consist of Netflix with no chill… which they totally do.
8. ‘So, why are you single?’
Translation: I’m insecure so, like, do other people like you, or is there something wrong with you that I’m totally missing, or…?
Translation: I’ve waited long enough for a response so this is me trying to manipulate you into responding to me in a time frame I see fit, rather than when suits you.
10. ‘My job is pretty complicated’
Translation: I’m hoping you’re dumber than me because I need to date down to feel good about myself.
11. ‘Have fun, hope it’s worth it!’
Translation: If you actually do whatever that thing is, I am going to be mad and it’s going to be a deal-breaker for me but hey, you do you. Also don’t have fun at all, hope your night sucks.
12. ‘I know that you might be feeling uncomfortable about [insert thinly veiled criticism], but…’
Translation: I’m about to start pointing out things you are definitely insecure about to both knock your self-esteem down a peg, and make it seem like I’ll accept you despite your glaring flaws.
13. ‘I was just joking’
Translation: I said a bad thing but I want you to feel like you’re overreacting so you can’t blame me. Get ready for a lot of really offensive “jokes” if we get together!
14. ‘You’re not that hot anyway’
Translation: I can’t handle rejection so instead of just accepting that you’ve said no to me, I am going to lash out and try to make you feel bad about yourself.
15. ‘I’m a nice guy’
Translation: I am definitely not a nice guy, so I need to keep telling people I am to distract them from the truth.
16.’ I’m just being honest’
Translation: I actually use the excuse of honesty to conceal the fact that I’m a jerk with no tact and will have no problem saying cruel things to you on a regular basis.
17. ‘I just find it really funny that…’
Translation: I’m about to fire off a string of really offensive things that are going to hit on all your insecurities as a woman because someone treated me badly once and now I like to generalize about your whole gender and take it out on every woman I meet.
18. ‘So, how many dates have you been on on here?’
Translation: Any answer more than one is going to hurt my incredibly fragile self-esteem, but saying you don’t date is going to make me think there’s something wrong with you.
Yeah, so there’s really no right answer to this.