Who Am I?


In October 2015, my whole world came crushing down, i never dreamed I’d be bringing in the last moments of the year in a psych ward. On the fifth day of hospitalization, I was discharged, free to go back to the life I knew. After some few days, i dropped out, yh i dropped out from my own sanity and well-being. I ended up moving in with my Dad after being on my own for nearly 5 years, i had no idea what to do with my life anymore, or if i even wanted a life anymore. And yeah, i was passively suicidal, struggling to face my day to day activities. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when my Mum passed away, shortly after she had a tough battle with cancer. When i look back my first psychotic episode was actually in May, 2015, it was my first suicidal attempt, crushing depressions where i could barely function, times when life is simply too much and when I’m simply out of control. The life draining, crushing, depressions i had noticed (obviously), but somewhere down the line, i seemed to have been clueless. Some people don’t get it. And that’s okay. I don’t understand either. My boyfriend gets annoyed: “How can you be sad, what do you have to be sad about, you have a great life. You have me, isn’t that enough for you?” But because most at times, i don’t have a particular reason, he chooses to believe I’m making it up, being ungrateful and selfish. Unfortunately i spend more time with the depressive symptoms than the manic symptoms, where i sometimes feel overly happy and energized, i wish i could be there all the time, maybe i should get a much supportive boyfriend, lol.

But i don’t choose how i am or how i feel, i can’t make myself feel something that i don’t want to – can any of us?

Anyways, I’m Jane, nice to meet you!

26 thoughts on “Who Am I?

  1. Hey babes…I love this piece. So this is what you’ve been hiding from me. I love you keep doing you. It’s very educational 😘😘

  2. I have been surfing online more than 2 hours today, yet I
    never found any interesting article like yours.
    It is pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all website
    owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the internet
    will be a lot more useful than ever before. I will right away take hold of your rss feed
    as I can’t to find your e-mail subscription hyperlink or e-newsletter service.
    Do you’ve any? Please permit me understand so
    that I could subscribe. Thanks. Ahaa, its nice discussion about this paragraph
    at this place at this web site, I have read all that, so now
    me also commenting at this place. http://house.com/

    My page: Jane

  3. Hola! I’ve been reading your web site for a long time now and finally got the courage to
    go ahead and give you a shout out from Houston Texas!

    Just wanted to mention keep up the excellent job!

  4. Excellent pieces. Keep writing such kind of info on your page.
    Im really impressed by your site.
    Hello there, You’ve performed an incredible job. I’ll definitely digg it and in my view suggest to my
    friends. I’m confident they will be benefited from this site.

  5. Hiya! Quick question that’s entirely off topic. Do you know how to make your site
    mobile friendly? My site looks weird when viewing from my iphone 4.
    I’m trying to find a theme or plugin that might be able to correct this problem.

    If you have any recommendations, please share.
    Appreciate it!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.